Wow. I actually feel so satisfied being alone these days. The longing for a partner/lover/mate has been replaced by a deep satisfaction in my aloneness. Now that I’ve written this I may be coming back in a few days writing about longing but for now (and the ‘now’ is all there is) I’m deeply and utterly content.
I’ve battled feeling alone for much of my life when I haven’t been in partnership with a man. Sometimes the loneliness feels like a handicap that others can see and feel and sometimes it feels like a wound that will never heal. I’ve waxed and waned from feeling alone to feeling a brief ebbing of wishing for a partner.
This period right now is something I’ve never experienced as an adult woman: there is absolutely NO longing for a partner right now. I feel completely filled up from within. I feel so centered and calm. So joyful with my own self. In my hot tub. In my garden. Spending deep and meaningful time with my ever-growing circle of friends. Hiking in the woods or riding my bike to Fairfax. Working in my little office. Puttering around the house.
It’s nothing short of amazing to feel this level of connection and delight with my own self.
I love it.
I’m preparing to go on this journey in 4 months and the thought of going alone is now beginning to put a smile on my face (whereas a couple of weeks ago I was feeling bummed about going alone).
I spoke with my friend, Katrine earlier today about whether I would have more fun traveling with someone vs. alone and she said, “Traveling alone isn’t less fun, it’s just different.”
So true.
I’ve had some synchronicity happen lately. My Rough Guide to India book arrived today from Amazon. I’ve been considering this one town in India that Peter recommended (see last post) and I opened the very thick guidebook book to that exact destination!
I also ordered a Bali book. I’m considering doing a Pray, Love (India/Bali) journey.
But for now I need to journey to bed. 🙂
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