Inner Healing

Sometimes it’s the little things in life…

I’m on Day Five of a seven day cleanse/juice fast at Ubud Sari Health Resort.

This morning I drank my breakfast smoothie and there was a small piece of unblended fruit in there.  What a treat! I got to chew something for the first time in five days. I  swirled the tiny fruit piece around in my mouth. It was delicious.

So I’ve decided to stay an extra month in Bali. I was supposed to come back next Sunday but I’ll be coming back in mid-July. Everything worked out: my managers are fine to continue running my business, the guy who is renting my house wants to stay another month. I’m feeling grateful to be here, and not just in Bali but in this place of gorgeous peace that I feel in this moment.

Last month was a bit intense. A few things happened which, in hindsight don’t really matter in the big picture of my life, but what these things brought to the surface was a lot of inner gunk -intense feelings- and I was at a loss on how to process these gunky feelings so far from home.

Because I’m here in Bali I’m away from my nurturing cottage, supportive friends, work (which in the past has kept me occupied and distracted), my hot tub, my beloved trail. All of the resources that I’ve been able to use to walk through tough times when they have appeared in years past. And yes, Bali has felt like a second home to me but when all of these intense feelings were coming to the surface Bali didn’t feel like home. Not at all.

I wanted to get on plane and leave Bali immediately.

Instead I hunkered down and became willing to walk through the inner fire. I got so much support from friends and healers here. One of whom reminded me that Ubud means ‘healing’ or ‘medicine’.

Which reminded that I’m right where I should be.

Gradually as I honestly faced the feelings that were coming to the surface, looking them straight in the eye, I was able to move through them.

Though I’m still wading through…

…I’m now feeling surprisingly grateful for this opportunity to really break free from past layers that have kept me stuck.

In this moment I’m feeling a lot of peace and contentment.

Peace and a deeper connection with myself happens when I’m willing to sit and be with the tough feelings. When feelings that arise aren’t being felt it’s like putting a rock in the river of my Self. I can walk around the rock by distracting in any number of ways but the rock is still there, still impeding the flow of my life force.

Society has developed many creative ways to not feel our inner pain.

But, by facing the feelings square on I can see that the rock, though not removed entirely, is closer to the shore and my life energy is more able to flow because I was able to be with the discomfort.

As my cleanse date was approaching I wasn’t sure if a seven-day juice fast would be too much for me at this time but I can see now how right it is.

I’m purging on all levels.

Part of the cleanse program here includes a session with a Balinese healer. I had my session last night and this Balinese healer blew my mind. What she was able to do with her hands astounded me.

When I asked her if I could write about my healing she said: “I have to ask the God first. The God give me this gift. I have to ask the God if it okay for you to write about. I let you know when the God let me know…”

Hopefully the God will let her know soon as I really want to share about that session.

(She walked by as I was writing this and I asked her: “Has the God let you know yet?” She said: “I ask tonight.”)

-fingers crossed-

Tagged as: Bali, Ubud, Ubud Sari, Ubud Sari Health Resort