What I haven’t been writing about

…is the incredible fear around traveling that had me in its grasp for about three solid weeks.

Two weeks ago I was talking with Kathleena about the debilitating fear that was gripping me and I casually mentioned that I might not go on my trip.

She looked me square in the eyes and wagged her finger at me and said in the most stern voice I’ve ever heard from her: “You are going. It’s not an option not to go. If I have to carry you on the plane and strap you in myself you are going.”

That, my friends, is someone who is willing to take a stand for my visions even when I can’t.

And Barb with her steadfast reminders of “It’s just fear. That’s all it is. Just fear. You are going to have a great time.”

And many of you other dear souls who have held me in person and through the phone and computer and patiently listened and read as I spoke and emailed my fears about going.

My dreams were filled with nightmares about my home going up in flames, being banished from my home and having nowhere to go, having a hundred-story drop outside my home that I had to leap across to get out of my home.

Sheesh.

It was an intense time.

It really felt (and feels) like I’m stepping off a cliff and have no idea what my world will look like when I land. That’s scary after knowing day after day what to expect.

It wasn’t just the home stuff that was freaking me out.

It was intense fear around around being alone for 10 weeks in foreign countries. It was fear of perhaps wanting to come home early and not being able to because my home is being rented. Fear of not having fun. Fear of being homesick. Fear of my stuff getting ripped off in foreign countries. Fear of losing my passport. Fear of not having enough money. Fear of getting malaria. Fear of getting food poisoning. Fear of ________________ (insert whatever fear you want in here, I’m sure I felt it the past few weeks).

I didn’t really feel like I could write about these fears because I knew that I just needed to feel it. Work through it. Hopefully come out the other side so that I could actually get on that plane.

Here’s what happens in Africa when a tribal member is feeling intense fear or depression: the villagers will gather around that person to remind that person of who they really are without those intense emotions.

They do this by calling out what they appreciate about that tribal member; what they feel are the gifts that particular member brings to the tribe.

This is a way to call that person’s spirit back.

I felt this happen on my birthday when my tribe gathered around me. I looked around the room that night and saw, heard, and felt the vast love and support I have in my life.

On my birthday I felt the fear shift from terror to excitement. There is a thin line with those two emotions anyway, isn’t there?

And all last week I’ve had friends calling and helping to call my spirit back by wishing me goodbye and good luck.

My Thursday business support group members (you know who you are) formed a receiving line after our last meeting to wish me safe travels. My Uptown Saturday night friends gave me extra special love and goodbyes last night. Susan cried and said she was going to miss me. My coaching clients have written me emails wishing me a good trip, my managers who are managing my business while I’m away have said, “Kristin, you deserve this.”

I think the fear is being replaced by excitement because of all the love I’ve received from everyone this week.

Thank you so much.

I’ve realized that home really is my people. Not my stuff or my house but my people.

Through the outpouring of love I’ve received in the past week I feel like I’ve internalized you.

Because you are inside of me, I’m taking my home with me.

🙂

And the love is replacing fear because (for me anyway) love and fear have a hard time existing within myself at the same time.

So…I feel really excited about going now.

Yay!

Thank God.

And thank YOU.

Tagged as: fear around Bali, fear around India, fear around traveling, travel fears