Open heart, Open road

This has been one of the best few days of my entire life.

I had a birthday on Tuesday. Usually I find myself dreading birthdays but not this one.

I was actually looking forward to it.

Very unusual for me and I kept (and keep) expecting to be whacked with “Oh my God, I’m forty one” at any moment but I’m still just smiling about it.

Amazing.

I think part of it is that I’ve recently faced the fact that:

Honey, you are not getting any younger. The truth is you are getting older. And if you think you can stop the clock you are going to be pushing against that massive boulder of reality for a very long time (i.e. the rest of your life) which will only end up making you miserable and exhausted.

So go out and have fun and just enjoy yourself, girl.

Which is what I have been doing.

The other piece to my contentment around my birthday has to do with the fact that I had a birthday party with a small number of friends and family on Tuesday night.

Please forgive me if you weren’t invited but I really, really wanted it to be a small party. Your not being invited does NOT mean I don’t like you or don’t want you to come to my next birthday party.

Okay?

Now that I have that out of the way…

As I mentioned above, my family came to my party. By family I mean: my dad and stepmom, my grandma, my aunt, my brother, my brother’s wife and my niece.

I haven’t had my family and friends at a birthday party since I was maybe 16.

It was incredible to have my family at my party. Their presence made me so happy.

It was so fun for me to look around during the course of the evening and see my friends talking to my various family members.

All of my friends really enjoyed meeting my family and vice versa.

It was one big lovefest.

One friend emailed me yesterday and wrote: Your dad radiates love.

My grandma emailed me today and wrote: There was a lot of love in that room.

She’s right.

I felt so completely accepted, loved, cared for and adored.

I’ve felt a lot of love at various times in my life but there was something to the alchemy of my friends and family being there that felt so satisfying.

It was amazing.

I had a hard time getting to sleep that night because I was so wound up from all the familial and friend love that was floating in the room.

The next day I went to get my car smogged and while I was waiting I walked across the street to the Northgate Mall and I felt this sense of deep groundedness and connection with all of life. I smiled at every single person I came in contact with at the mall.

I’m sure they thought I was on something.

I was.

I was on (in) love.

As I was gliding around the stores (in a grounded, smiling-sort-of-way) I really got on a deep body level (not just mind level) how all this STUFF is there to be bought in order to FILL that love space that is so desperately missing for most of us on a daily basis.

I feel completely filled up. My love cup is full.

I want nothing.

Just to give and receive love with my friends and family.

And I’ve got that so

I want nothing.

🙂

Tagged as: Contentment, Letting Love In, open heart, open road